I have absolutely no interest as to how the overwhelmingly destructive and terrible habit of black fatherless homes began, as I can guess the usual mantra like excuses of colonialism and slavery by our many intellectual apologist, and victimologist.
My prime concern and a profound desire to develop some consciousness among a few in an effort to stem the tide so as to enable black families across the globe to thrive in love, peace, happiness and productive economic prosperity . Without doubt this taboo subject is at the core of several of the social problems that are affecting black relationships, ill discipline , floundering education, and the low self-esteem that permeate the fabric of black lives -from the economic story, to the poverty stricken individual that exist at the lower echelons within the black realm. Mind you, I am not naïve to believe that the problems of absentee fathers are limited to black families .Instead, I am fully mindful that other races are equipped with mechanisms to handle negative issues that emanate from such. The last I checked it was venomous black women across social lines that were frantic to find a mate , as most of her black eligible male counterparts were turned off by her blatant obnoxious behaviors ,and obvious self loathing. Similarly it was the black young male that were failing on the disciplinary, educational, and economic front, due to the absence of authentic mentors capable of providing reliable guidance. As such, frustrated and incapable black women throughout the African Diaspora, are left with the astronomical burdens of wearing the pants, exuding where possible their God given feminine qualities, and execute numerous major functions that females from other races are not always required to do, since they instead can depend on a male supporting cast.
Jonetta Rose Barras in her bestselling book- Whatever happened to Daddy’s Girl: The Impact of Fatherlessness on Black woman said the following: “A girl abandoned by the first man in her life forever entertains powerful feelings of being unworthy or incapable of receiving any man’s love. Even when she receives love from another, she is constantly and intensely fearful of losing it. This is the anxiety, the pain, of losing one father.” Unfortunately it is the black male that generally feels the brunt of her pain and anger because she was never fully able to resolve what is commonly referred to as ‘Daddy issues.’ It would be nice if afflicting demons that permeate her soul remains with one generation, but that is not how the world functions. She sends subliminal messages to her several female offspring that the tough, ‘balls breaking,’ high energy, loud mouth, demeaning ,and often sarcastic approach is the best way forward in a relationship. In many male dominated Third world societies, these qualities might remain dormant for a while , but once the couple’s good fortunes changes , and they both gets a chance to permanently shift residence to another country where women are accorded some level of basic human rights – then coincidentally it’s bye, bye to peace and status quo in the family. What therefore results is that a spiraling effect takes place as the young black female replicates such attitudes when she begins her own relationships – even if her economic /social circumstances are totally different from her mom. On the positive side she picks up moms resiliency in the face of powerful odds, but this is offset by baggage of anger, hate, and sometimes acrimonious and bellicose contemptuous attitudes she reserves exclusively for her black male companion that she feels is never her equal, and therefore incapable of measuring up to the more noble, yet similarly flawed males of other races.
Equally devastating, is the negative impact for black males that are the victims of the fatherless homes, as it is very evident from the abundant resulting data, that except for a few cases, black women are totally incapable of raising sound, well balanced, wholesome, and positively responsive productive males by themselves. It has not worked in the many harems of Black Africa where the insatiable black males are free to impregnate and marry as many willing women as he desires. It has failed considerably in developed North America or Europe, and the experiment is a constant tragedy in Latin America and the English Speaking Caribbean where it has become quite the norm since the demise of the barbaric Colonial dehumanizing socio- economic system called slavery. Social class as I have indicated are of little consequences to the negative fallout from female dominated or fatherless black homes for black male youth across the globe. The few success stories that might be proffered by skeptics of my views are therefore mere aberration and exceptions to the rule- to coin a common cliché. It was Dr. Frank S. Pittman, author of Man Enough: Fathers, Sons, and the Search for Masculinity that said the following: “Women, no matter how wonderful, no matter how loving, can’t teach masculinity to us.”If we don’t have fathers, we should have grandfathers, uncles, stepfathers, to raise us, from boys to men. If the males we know are other teenage boys or macho heroes from movies, we may get a distorted, exaggerated concept of masculinity.”
Find words I might add, but let me put on record my disappointment in the absence of a coherent supporting role by black males listed as far as the extended family. To put it bluntly ,if black males are generally reluctant to take care of their own , rest assured that they are also going to be missing in action in terms of mentoring and other help for a frantic mother and her son desperate to keep the lure of the ever encroaching gang banger at bay.
The reality in the home for the black young male at the hands of his frustrated mom therefore is as follows: He becomes a useful outlet for all her anger at the absentee father, or in her quest to do what she believe is right she not only overcompensate and smother with so called love, but also elevate him into a semi god position in the house at the expense of her frustrated and growing jealous daughters. The young man on occasions would be told in every heated conversation about how much he is similar to his useless father in every aspect, which can create a ‘self fulfilling prophesy,’ in regards to his future actions. Two things can result from this repeated negative barrage by these over anxious female adults. The young man would virtually count the days when he too can finally escape the insidious clutches of mom to start a relationship of his own with someone very unlike mom in behavior , and possible race, as his naïve mind would let him believe that the ‘angels of other races’ are the solution to all his yearly sorrows and woes. Secondly, he may become totally dependent on the moms pampering and overindulgence towards him, and would attempt to marry a virtual slave to his every whim that also can earn a six figure income .This as most of us can guess is certainly an act in futility, or recipe for disaster, unless you are living in some Third World backwater where female rights are unknown, and thus development remains stagnant.
Please note that it is not my intention to convey the notion that all the ills of society can be linked to the fact that black males have relinquished their sacred roles as fathers, and that millions of black mothers are not doing a credible job under extreme circumstances. The evidence definitely proves otherwise. However a crisis looms, and work must soon be done which begins with acceptance of this fact, and the consciousness and willingness to address and quickly rectify the situation, especially if the black race is to also stake its claim as a useful model. Love, peace, development, positive change ,and empowerment must no longer be limited to others families in the human race from across our global village , but likewise Africans from the Diaspora must similarly play their part .